I'm writing this from a place of anger and frustration...That being said, I'm going to get into this...
The attacks on Jussie Smollett have deeply affected me because I am Jussie Smollett. I don't have his notoriety but when walking down the street we are potential targets of hate motivated violence. I cannot alter my skin colour or sexuality to guarantee my safety, a fact that I had to grow to understand and accept. I posted an open letter to his attackers denouncing their actions and also identified MAGA supporters in connection with their actions. I see comments from people all over the internet trying to defend and distance themselves from the suspects and still proudly touting their support of President Trump. I am trying to understand their logic in even needing to speak up. Do I have to "like" your well intentioned but empathy lacking comments? Am I supposed to be grateful when I see people chime in on for a marginalized person's story offering sympathy but sneakily state they believe in a politician turning the crank on the nation's carousel of history? I witness digital friend detoxes on the daily based on political views, and I'm not going to join that bandwagon. I need MAGA supporters to: 1) STOP trying to ease your "MAGA guilt" on my posts. You probably don't see your actions as such, but I'll tell you how I see it. Whenever something bad happens and MAGA is attached to it, you feel the need to say things like, "I'm a Trump supporter but I would never do this" or "These people make the rest of us look bad". You are seeking some sort of asylum that you do not get lumped in with a less than favorable group. It's similar to someone saying people like you are criminals, drug dealers, and rapists. But that would not happen in post-racial America right? 2) STOP assuming that you are exempt from rebuttal When other people decide to reply to your comments and you find yourself in a social media argument, do not be offended. It is not an attack of your personhood, merely someone doing exactly what you did: stating their OPINION! Do not stand on your soapbox as a vocal supporter of a man who ran a dirty campaign based on asserting dominance over others and follow his lead by turning a deaf ear to what others have to say. 3) SPEAK UP against MAGA supporting posts By commenting on my stuff, it seems to me you are trying to change my perspective on your political party. Why not for a change, try to change the views of those within your community? Don't convince me of your holiness, but go to those pages where you see comments supporting violence and denounce those actions. You obviously have different opinions on what MAGA stands for, so go change THEIR minds. You have access to a space where your voice is going to carry further than mine...Congratulations, you just discovered the definition of privilege! TAKEAWAY: The fact that two men under the cover of MAGA hats and ski masks are still at large terrifies me. My show is scheduled to go to Chicago next week. I don't know if they will attack again, or if they have other "friends" planning to do the same thing. Sure, "the crime seems pre-meditated and suspicious" (Hello! WHAT CRIME ISN'T SUSPICIOUS) but that does not erase the fact many Trump supporters are overlooking...this modern day lynching happened to another human being. Telling me to wait for all the facts, or read "trustworthy" sources, is equivalent to waving a shiny object in front of me so I don't see another black body hospitalized by members of your political party. Actions speak louder than words.
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I recall being around age 9 or 10 when I started to gain awareness of my body.
STORY: Shopping for clothes and purchasing from the "husky boys" section of the clothing racks I spent many mall visits hiding amongst the racks of hangers. "Alright,", I would think to myself, "now I'm the tall, husky kid in class!" Another physical sign came as an increase in my chest, what I'd later be diagnosed with gynecomastia (enlarged breast tissue caused by a hormone imbalance). This caused my chest to develop a more feminine aesthetic through my clothing, which I tried to counteract with wearing undershirts and looser fitting shirts. Even making sure to wear shirts at whatever pool party I decided to attend despite the growing anxiety. But prepubescent children can still clock and exploit anything "different". I was on the receiving end of misgendered insults, being called "a girl" or accused of having to wear a bra. These shouts came from older kids and I would dread walking past their designated lunch area to get to my own, trying my hardest to not look their way or draw attention to myself but keeping one eye and ear open. Christmas break of seventh grade I underwent surgery to remove the excess tissue, which left me with a flatter chest and permanently scarred nipples. Fast forward to high school, carrying the fear of having to explain the asymmetrical nature of my nipples in PE, and my body "betrays" me again. Along with increased body hair comes the increased risk of cysts. I got them on my tailbone, my armpits, and even the base of my skull! This particular site required another surgery and to "recover" with a long piece of gauze packed into the hole that would protrude as it healed. Think of it like a medical grade rattail hairstyle. I would constantly adjust my shirt collar thinking that would hide my accessory (read: shame) and favor hoodies over pullovers every chance I got. I can only remember one or two times my cyst scar brought about discussion in a classroom setting. Freshman year of college, coming out of the closet at about 240 lbs I had no doubt in my mind that everything about me (nipples, cysts, weight) was the primary reason for my permanent single status on Facebook. So I utilized an unhealthy method of starvation coupled with haphazard gym sessions to drop almost 30 lbs in about 3 months time. Still trying to navigate my new understanding of being an out gay man, I started working at Abercrombie & Fitch. My thought process being acceptance by the "fashionable" brand equated to widespread acceptance in the gay community. Looking back, I know how problematic that was, but hindsight is 20/20. I eventually left the retail industry and found my way to Disneyland in 2009. It was at Disney that I saw gay men with bodies of different sizes, shapes and abilities all doing what they loved the most, performing! I began to reevaluate my relationship to my body, made conscious healthy steps to attain my goals, and released the pressure that I alone placed on myself. TAKEAWAY: Now almost 20 years since being first called "husky", scarred by surgeries, and battling a hateful, resenting relationship with my body, I see the body for what it is! It is merely a vehicle. A house made of meat and bones carrying around my spirit. A resilient spirit that endured body shaming ridicule from others. A strong spirit that carried the weight of anxiety that comes from living a closeted life. A loving spirit that dares to share its wounds with others, knowing that "the wound is where the light enters". A joyous spirit belonging to me, making it so unique that "no body" can strip away its essence. I accept that my body will never reach the level of perfection society/beauty/masculine culture, knowing that my body's job is to help me connect with others. So far, it has done this perfectly! |
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