I sat down at my computer today, bored from staring at my Twitter and Facebook feeds, so I looked up videos on TED. After about 3 videos on different subjects, I came across this video (see below) on "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brené Brown. About 5 minutes into the video, I was glued to my computer screen. She was speaking on the topic of humanity's desire to belong and make connections with others, and somehow managed to tie fear into her discourse. So taking a page from her book, I will discuss her video and better explain the overall goal of #NoFear2013. Brown's research revolves around the theme of connection and how connections with others make people happy. But there are some road blocks: SHAME and FEAR. Both of these emotions put the thought into our minds that "we are unworthy of connection" (love, career, family, friends). Shame and fear prevent people from living whole heartedly and their their full potential. She then describes a study she did on a group of "seemingly happy" people and realized that their happiness stemmed from the same sources: Courage, Compassion, Connection (as a result of authenticity), and Vulnerability. COURAGE (from Latin root word 'cor' (heart)) originally meant: to tell the story of who you are with whole heart. Sort of makes you think about the Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz right? No, just me...Moving on! Courage is different than being brave, which #NoFear2013 does call upon us to be, but I believe it takes more effort to be courageous. To stand up in front of people and let them know that you are not perfect is both a terrifying and powerful thing. COMPASSION is needed not only for those around you, but for yourself as well. You have the courage to admit your shortcomings, now is not the time to beat yourself up about them either. We have to practice compassion on ourselves if we expect to know how to show it to others. This kind of thinking is what #OneSmallStep2013 reinforces. "I'm not [xyz] but I am where I am today, and that's just as good!" CONNECTION with other people brings along a feeling of belonging and a sense of worth. We all long to connect with others and do so based on so many different aspects of our lives (gender, music preference, jobs, etc.). When we put our true selves on display (discussed in my last blog post), the chances to make meaningful, lasting connections with others greatly increase. VULNERABILITY is a necessary component to happiness. Although it is necessary, it is by no means easy. Our willingness to take a risk, or say "I love you" first, or anything else to put ourselves in an uncomfortable position must be welcomed into our lives. Vulnerability is the root of fear, but only when we face it head on can we banish fear. Facing our vulnerability and its related emotions can be more than some can handle, which leads to the process of numbing. Our society numbs our emotions in various ways, food, shopping, drugs. The immediate goal of blocking the fear or sadness that accompanies a state of vulnerability is achieved but comes at a much bigger cost. We cannot selectively numb just our negative emotions, so we inadvertently numb joy, gratitude, and happiness in the process. Now that we know what it takes to live a happier life,
Remember, feeling vulnerability and all the emotions that accompany it means that you are alive!
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“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I have accepted this mantra of living ever since I could remember. This has probably led me unable to decide when someone is being authentic or fake, but I do not mind. What this belief system does is enable me to practice the art of acceptance. Someone once described me as "a polite dinner guest who accepts whatever is put in front of him". I personally do not believe it is a bad thing at all. What is wrong with that? I guess it makes me come off as naive, but I would rather be perceived as naive than rude asking what other food is left in the pantry. I feel that people open up and expose their real selves to others when they feel most comfortable. So, as a Libra, that is something I strive to do best. I try to be my authentic self with every person I meet, even if they are not that way with me. Why? Well, how can I possibly expect someone to bring out their true selves if I don't meet them halfway? That doesn't seem fair now does it? I am not saying I lay out all my skeletons within the first five minutes, I just try to open my closet a little wider. (What is it with gays and closets?) Some people choose not to be so truthful with others and put on a front to hide themselves. To each their own, but I choose not to hide because I find it harder to wear and maintain a mask then be upfront and true. If some people are not cool with it, then they are not the guests that I want over for my dinner parties. (It always comes back to food) Remember, patience is a virtue and we must employ it when it comes to people showing us who they really are. For most, it takes some time to warm up to someone and let their guard down. When it happens at the right time it can be a wonderful thing. If it happens to early, it has a tendency to go differently then anticipated. I try not to put undesired pressure on people or pry into their lives, I trust and BELIEVE that when a person is ready to show me the real them, it will be the right time. BUT, I will say this... There is nothing that a little acceptance and patience cannot do for human race. Who knew that opening myself up would lead to so many others doing the same? I certainly did not, but I am glad I know it now. Enjoy the song that kind of inspired this blog entry... “Inspiration is what keeps us well.” Within the past couple of weeks, friends have come up to me saying they are embodying #NoFear2013 or #OneSmallStep2013 in their lives in some way. I can't help but feel incredibly honored by this and feel proud of the fact that my little personal resolution is able to resonate with other people. For me, there is nothing as exciting as to knowing that people are taking risks/chances in lives and I wish anyone about to take that leap of faith the utmost success. That being said, I feel that I must let it be known that it is those people, and countless others who may or may not realize it, who continue to inspire me. I used to think that inspiration could only come to me when I'm sitting in a room alone with New Age Pandora in the background. Then, and only then, would a muse descend down and fill my head with thoughts I had never thought before. Yeah, not true at all. It is when I witness one person holding the door open for a flood of people, or someone practicing a newly acquired skill and finally nailing it, or even a silent but friendly smile exchanged between two strangers. These small, seemingly insignificant, acts are what drive me to be a better person. It is during these moments that I am reminded of the large effects that come from small packages. But now I'm asking, WHAT INSPIRES YOU? I am calling anyone who takes the time to read this to take note of places/moments in your life that inspire you. When you find those events do whatever it takes to remember it (write it down, mental snapshot, voice recording, whatever), and allow it to motivate your next move. You never know who you could inspire in return... |
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