THE STORY:
Getting ready for an audition and I was having the usual pre-audition inner thoughts: "There will be many people better than me at this audition" "There's no way I can do this" "This will just lead to hurt and disappointment". I was able to recognize these thoughts as not my own and knew that as much "help" they were trying to be, they just had to be placed somewhere outside of my head. So I wrote them in my "Mayan Worry Doll Notepad" Listing out my fears caused a shift of perspective, I zoomed the lens out and suddenly I found a deeper meaning to this audition. It no longer was about my next tour/paycheck but a vehicle to fulfill my purpose, entertainment through storytelling. Future audiences would not be able to witness their favourite characters come to life and experience the heroic adventures in a massive arena setting if I did not attend the audition. This audition was either going to bring me in front of those hypothetical people or prepare me in some way to be in front of some other audience. Removing the layer of self-inflected pressure, I was able to release my mental grip on the situation and surrender to the will of the universe. I was released early from the audition but NOT before: making a new contact with tips for my upcoming UK trip, reuniting with friends from different chapters in life, and being advised to audition for another production by the company. None of these seemingly insignificant incidents would have occurred if I stayed at home, AAANNNDDD when I remind myself that everything happens for a reason I maintained a smile and kept my head up leaving that audition space. Ready for the next audience who needs me! THE TAKEAWAY: Anyone who prepares for an audition, interview, or even Tindr date, has similar thoughts pop up (but if you are reading this and thinking, "Ha, that's not me" I'd love to discuss your mental ninja skills) and sometimes will find themselves down a dark rabbit hole unable to return. That rabbit hole can take many different forms like numbing through food/alcohol/drugs, social media rants about Infinity War spoilers, or making oneself "busy" with work/social engagements. Whatever shape the rabbit hole, ultimately it is our fear manifested. When the fear strikes we must strike back, but not in the ways we are accustomed: public posts on social media, lashing out to others, hiding behind the ever-popular line, "I'm fine". Why not write things out, talk to trusted friends, meditate or pray? I am inviting you to transfigure your fear. Discover ways to take the focus off yourself and see any vulnerable endeavor as a means to fulfilling your purpose, whatever you believe it to be. See examples below:
Audition: "This is the way I get to showcase someone else's work in the world...and possibly get paid while doing it"
Interview: "This is the way I get to provide services to help make the world a better place...and get paid while doing it" Date: "This is the way I get to spread love in the world...and possibly get laid while doing it"
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