Last night I had a conversation with my roommate about our respective paths through life and how this tour has affected us along the way. This has been his first contract and my sixth, so I offered up some advice I have learned. He expressed a fear of the unknown because he feels that he has changed over the last 8 months, to which I responded he has most certainly changed but this provides a fantastic opportunity. The beautiful thing I love about touring is the transformation I undergo, and how each time I return home there is a period of reintegration back into "civilian life". It feels like being a stranger in a place that seems oddly familiar yet has a new flow current I need to simply dive into and start paddling. My friends and family also experienced significant changes in their lives too (engagements, career change, pregnancies, etc). Rather than shy away from the changes, longing for a "simpler" time, I approach the new situations from my new perspective. This, however, doesn't mean I don't have fear of bridging the two. Recently in between contracts, I started pursuing interests that piqued my curiosity seemingly foregoing relationships I once valued. These new interests made it seem as though I no longer cared for my "pre tour" life, but I can see now that it was my personal struggle with integration I was fighting. Being on tour I was able to unabashedly focus on myself and my desires for the first time, which was a phase in my personal evolution. I had these changes brought to my attention and I had to reckon with them. When I came home I cut and paste my tour life into my home life instead of finding compromises for both versions to coexist. This is something I fear letting happen again, but with awareness the likelihood is lowered. I have to take stock and keep things that help me live my best life regardless if I'm on tour or at home.
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