Last night I had a dream that I went to the bathroom in the arcade style restroom. I had to score over 590 to win a free movie ticket. So naturally I was determined to piss my way to glory. The scoreboard displayed 600 points and the sound of bells and whistles and flashing lights filled my subconscious vision. That's when I started to wake up, and sure enough it wasn't a dream. 😶😲😵 I have to say that mind/body connection is strong, but that wasn't my initial reaction. You know what was, SHAME! I removed the sheets and got my life together doing my best not to wake up my roommate. I removed the sheets and entered the mental wrestling match of what my next move should be. Do I wash the sheets myself so no one would know? Do I leave it for housekeeping to clean up while I'm out and return like nothing happened? Or do I go down to the front desk, explain the issue, and request brand new sheets. The first two options protect my identity but add a layer of secrecy that provides the perfect ground for my shame to grow as well. Still it's the easier thing to do But I'm not here for easy, I'm here for growth. As hard/embarrassing/fearful as it is, speaking my shame out loud renders it powerless. It means that I'm doing the vulnerable thing of reaching out for help instead of trying to hide. This may seem like something insignificant (which in the grand scheme of life it totally is) but how I handle the small stuff is an indicator of how I handle the big things. The precedent is being set on how I approach shame in the future. Sharing this has been one of the scariest things I've put on social media but since it's not easy I realize that in some strange cosmic way I asked for this. I'm just grateful that things didn't go as 💩-y, if you know what I mean.
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