I grew up with a warped definition of “relationship”. I am a child of divorce and as such only gleamed part of the root beneath the dissolution of my parents marriage. To this day, I still do not feel that I have the full picture, but that isn’t the point of this entry. Since I saw my parents often disagreeing and unable to reach peace, I believed healthy relationships were built on constant agreements. I thought if I always bent my will to appease the other party I was doing the necessary work to ensure a healthy relationship. What I was really doing was providing an excellent foundation to be walked over by so many people. Afraid to be strong, afraid to offer my differing position, afraid to live. I can see how this patten repeats itself in friendships, from as early as elementary school to present day. Do I wish I knew then what I know now? Not at all. It could have helped me avoid certain mistakes, but all those mistakes brought me to this moment of being able to write about it now. Relationships I seek now are built on trust and acceptance. Trusting the other individual sees my authentic self expressed through my actions and can still offer unconditional love. Some of the strongest friendships in my life have begun on this requirement and now push me to keep showing up not only for myself but for others as well. I hope we all manage to find relationships (romantic, platonic, familial) where we are challenged to communicate with honesty, show up with compassion, and can continuously offer empathy when our differences are brought to light.
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