I have something that I wanted badly and now that I finally have it, all I can focus on is all the ways I can lose the opportunity. I constantly worry that it'll disappear when I'm not looking. All it will take is one wrong move to send it running to the hills, never to return. I have an idea what's happening, the present moment and all the joyous feelings associated with it are being robbed from me, but I am doing it to myself. I imagine this must be something similar to what parents go through as their children go from infancy to adulthood. It must feel like time is against them and just ticking toward some doomsday where their fears become realized. I don't necessarily have a direct answer or advice on how to stop running myself ragged with my own emotions, but I hope a solution appears soon. It feels kinda strange leaving this "unresolved" but that's the effect of being a work in progress. I think I can pinpoint a place to begin healing this part of myself. Instead of focusing on any negative associated with potential loss I can focus on the fact that although nothing lasts forever; it should give me some comfort that all that is meant for me will never miss me. I just wish I could have an ounce of control.
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