I took trip to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey that brought me a realization. I’m about a week away from finishing this contract. A week away from seeing my home and my dogs. A week away from being “funemployed”. A week away from pressing resume on the life I had to put on pause back in LA. I’ve got a laundry list of plans including health appointments, reunite with friends, travel plans, circus classes, audition for summer gigs. All these goals to accomplish in a limited time. When I think about it all I get a little overwhelmed, stuck in a story based on fear and scarcity. Constantly fighting back thoughts about falling short of my own expectations, but that day at Six Flags I chose to focus on joy. I donned one of my favourite crop tops, slipped into a pair of sparkly metallic Converse and made my way with friends in tow. The sun beamed on my skin as I ate overpriced park food and waited in lines for the rides. I laughed at the silliest of things and really let the problems of the outside world really melt away. The day was spent connecting with my friends, barely even on my phone because we weren't allowed to bring them in line for rides. It was a cute baby digital detox of sorts. When the day ended walking to the Uber I only felt gratitude and joy. It was until scrolling through my phone did the weight of my reality come back to its resting place upon my shoulders. This time however I was carrying the pressure with a smile because I still remembered all the joy and love I felt throughout the day rather than the fear of not being strong or resilient enough to withstand it all. My lesson that day was a preview of what happens when I do the less "adult" thing and lean into joy. I trade my worries about the future, which I know I can't control yet still try, for the present moment and open myself to those high vibrations I love to ride so much. I will try my best to not forego opportunities for pleasure and fun in an attempt to avoid pain or discomfort because they'll always be there in some manifestation while the joyous moments are more fleeting.
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