I've been sitting in a strange emotional space the past couple of days. Not positive, not negative, but peaceful but in a rather rocky, tumultus way. I am in the middle of the binary scales of different emotions, stuck between the excitement of summer and the sadness of tour ending for example. I suppose this is the messiness of being human. Never being able to fully inhabit one emotional space without awareness of its opposite. Now comes my opportunity to practice nonattachment, something ranking pretty high in difficulty. Try as I might, I cannot take this cast with me and keep things the same. I am attached that's for sure and the next few days will bring waves of melancholiness. I will need to practice nonattachment with those waves, in an effort to avoid becoming stuck in a victim mindset. To allow myself the inevitable sadness and watch as it passes through me, most certainly with tears included. I've learned that not allowing myself the space to grieve or cry is attachment masking as strength. Society has taught me to value strength as a black man but I'm ditching that stereotype for vulnerability and softness, however that decides to present itself. I accept the fear that comes with the joy, and the sadness that comes with anger. Removing myself from the binding binary scale of emotions to inhabit the free range space where I can be exposed to any and all the emotions at once, allowing each to wash over me in waves. Every time I cry or express genuine laughter, I'm releasing old patterns and blocks to see things in new ways. This is one helluva ride but it's too easy to attach myself to the lighter emotions just as I can to the heavier ones. The difficult thing is to just be, and that's the lesson.
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