I'm reading "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert for the second time. My favorite part so far is what she has to say about permission. This is something that I've struggled with but not been able to name because I haven't put much thought to it until now. As children we had to ask for permission to play outside, to go to the bathroom at school, and countless others. Sometimes permission was granted freely and other times it was granted after completing some sort of task. Finishing some chore or homework was usually my prerequisite. When I think about it, it was my younger years when I began to see the cause and effect relationship between permission and "fun". I'm older now but still following that same pattern: desire -> permission -> expression. The resistance I navigate with each of these posts is coming from my lack of seeking permission. I'm cutting out the middleman after almost 30 years in this routine. I can go from desire to expression on my own and my spirit is ready to soar feeling relief from the weight of needing permission. My mind/ego is going to make me think I still need permission even though nobody is going to give me permission to publicly share these posts. Here's what my ego's permission sounds like: "Brandon, I give you permission to not share your truth with the world. To have all your light stay inside and never make its presence in the world. Which would also mean you, yourself, would pass through life as an unknown feeling like your existence does not matter." To that my response is: "I DO MATTER. I AM ALL MATTER. I JUST AM, and because of that I do not need your permission to matter. All I have to do is, like Nike's motto, is just do it." I have to accept the inevitable feeling of imposter syndrome as it rises, let it pass, then keep expressing what is true for me.
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